Anger and patience. Hmmmm. What to say about this lesson. Well, this is an area I struggle with tremendously, daily even. Most people might not guess this about me, because my anger is usually confined to the privacy of my own home. Can anyone relate to that? Why is it that I am the least patient with those I am responsible to love and respect and protect more than anyone else in the world?
I have been in a vicious cycle of confess/repent/fall for years, but I refuse to believe that I will be stuck with this anger problem forever. It didn't take studying the "Portrait of Anger" (pg. 29-31) or the "Benefits of Overcoming Anger" (pg. 33) to make me long for deliverance from this cycle of sin, to no longer be a fool who gives full vent to her anger, but rather a wise woman who keeps herself under control (Proverbs 29:11) It's not that I haven't made any progress over the years - God has given me little victories along the way, but I still have so far to go. I admit I was hoping for miraculous and instantaneous healing through the pages of this chapter (or at least some sure-fire "how-to"s) but so far no sign of that. And while the author points out that
"God expects us to become patient, gentle women in control of our emotions. He has given us all we need for the task - His Spirit and His Word." (pg. 29)the message I got from "The Process of Overcoming Anger" section (pg. 32-33) was more like "Just Do It," even though we're told, and rightly so, "We cannot overcome anger by an act of our will." (pg. 32).
I believe what's missing here is an exhortation to prayer and perseverance. It's not a matter of trying harder or following a list of instructions or simply wishing - it's a matter of crying out to my Heavenly Father and admitting I am powerless on my own. If I'm truly convicted and really serious about my desire to change, I must commit myself daily and open myself to the Holy Spirit day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. I must pray for God to transform my heart and change my bad habits. Perhaps what I need to do is really focus on this area in my quiet time (well, first I need to focus on investing in some quiet time, huh?) rather than just adding this petition to my laundry list of prayer requests.
If anybody else struggles in this way, I can recommend some worthwhile reading. While the Word and the Spirit are all we ultimately need, that doesn't mean that God can't work through biblically sound resources to teach and enlighten us. One book I came across in Books-A-Million (love their Christian section!) some months ago which deals with anger in marriage is From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness can Transform Your Marriage by Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham - offers great insight into the source of anger and practical advice and counsel that doesn't overwhelm. Then just the other day I was listening to a Focus on the Family podcast and heard an interview with Julie Ann Barnhill speaking about her book She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing With Anger - I haven't read this book, but I am familiar with the author whom I find to be a reliable, Christ-centered parenting expert with a wonderful sense of humor. A couple books I have read pertinent to this topic, which I try to keep in circulation among my mom friends are When You Feel Like Screaming: Help for Frustrated Mothers, and Scream-Free Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool - I've gotten positive feedback on both these books from those I've lent them to - life-changing is how I describe the latter.
I didn't get a chance to listen to the audio teaching yet (2/24/04 "The Path of Patience") - maybe I'll do that while I'm driving to the Phillies game tomorrow and add my comments if I gain some further insight or encouragement.
Hope your summer is all it should be. I applaud you for your commitment to this study, and I encourage you to stick with it and check in here when you complete each lesson. Next up, Lesson 4 - A Study on Security - sounds comforting already.
Blessings to you,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2
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2 comments:
This was an interesting section for me. I have struggled over the years with a hot temper and rash decisions (and their consequences) because of anger. I think that has improved over the years. However, I think I try to avoid the situations that may test my patience, meaning that I don't trust my reactions so I take a back seat and don't participate as much as I should because I fear losing patience and my temper. Though this has made for smoother sailing, I also feel sometimes that I have disconnected instead of praying to the Lord to help me fully engage in my life and for His help in controlling the inevitable situations that will cause me to lose my temper. In other words, I think I have gone about it all the wrong way.
I, like Eleanor, believe that I have failed to devote the quiet time and prayer time to continually ask God for help with patience. This section opened my eyes to that (very clearly I might add). I have over-relied on my very calm husband to handle many situations with the kids that I think may provoke my anger or test my patience. This is definitely not helping me overcome my issue, rather just avoid it. Asking God over and over to help me and forgive me when I am not perfect (there is the perfectionist sneaking in its ugly head again) and when I fail is the way to be. I think it will also help me teach my children that we all have shortcomings that we cannot overcome on our own, but must ask God for help in these areas,
Jen's comment came as I was doing lesson five and realizing for the first time how much I avoid the risk of rebuke or failure. And when I read about stepping aside and letting the husband handle the temper-provoking situations I realized, "Gosh, I do that, too." I had told myself that I was delegating and responding appropriately to differing strengths and weaknesses......Baloney! I'm avoiding!
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