"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 7

The concept of farsighted parenting, addressed by Rosemond in Chapter 7, was the most challenging for me so far. Of course, that's because I'm guilty of what he calls McParenting. Trouble is, I've always thought I've been too concerned about the future in that I tend to worry about the potential precedent-setting of the simplest decision, and the long term repercussions of the most minor of my children's behaviors. With respect to everyday parenting decisions, I've always found it particularly difficult to find the dividing line between building character and promoting accomplishment, to distinguish between what ultimately matters and what to let go.

As I've read and reread Chapter 7 and begun to digest it, things are definitely becoming more clear for me. I've never been particularly good at goal setting and visualizing the future, but God in His grace has provided all the vision I need where my kids are concerned by revealing His standards in His Word.

For example, an issue that's been nagging me for months finally became clear and simple to me this week, thanks to Rosemond's guidance. Several months ago my 12 year old daughter bought a bikini which I approved despite some misgivings. Though it looks great on her it's pretty skimpy. Ever since I offered my permission, albeit with plenty of hemming and hawing, I've been seeking affirmation for the appropriateness of this bathing suit by observing the fashions of other girls her age, comparing the relative amounts of revealed skin among the tween population on the beach, encouraging my friends to commiserate with me in my angst, and by placing arbitrary limitations on where and when my daughter may wear the suit in question. You can guess that this was a stressful and confusing exercise in futility. Why didn't I just go with my instinct in the first place? We've already answered that question in Chapters 1 through 6! Anyway, Chapter 7 has successfully put an end to my cycle of indecision and elusive affirmation. I finally asked myself, what's the longterm issue here? What is the pertinent aspect of Godly adulthood in this case? And the answer came quite simply: God desires women to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9, 1 Peter 3:3). The tiny subject of my great turmoil is colorful and pretty and flattering and a great many things, but it is decidedly not modest. Case closed. So yesterday I explained to Genny that I made a mistake when I allowed her to buy that bathing suit and I'm sorry. God wants us to be modest; it's not modest. I offered to buy her a cover up to be worn over the suit at all times, to buy her a replacement suit, or to buy the suit back from her for cash. Maybe we'll have a burning ceremony.

Thus one burden has been lifted from this mom's shoulders and conscience. Just like anything, "farsighted parenting" will take practice, and I'm sure the answers won't always be so clear, but at least I've been given some practical guidance for dispelling the murkiness. And believe it or not I no longer dread the upcoming school year and its accompanying homework...I'm armed and ready!