"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 4

Alright, ladies - it's time for our first GottaWearShades giveaway! Up for grabs is a surprise package of three books, and it will go to the first person who can explain what this woman is saying. In fact, you may qualify for some sort of award just for being able to sit through the whole thing.



Now, don't get me wrong - I'm all in favor of non-violent parental communication. Isn't the alternative called "child abuse"?

So much for Exhibit A, an excellent illustration of the parent-babble which John Rosemond so completely dissects in Chapter 4.

This chapter really struck a chord with me when the author spoke of parental confusion and the ensuing stress and anxiety. When I read Rosemond's litany of issues that confuse and stress modern day parents, I felt he was speaking directly to me. I can vividly remember when my oldest child was just an infant and I would hungrily consume any and every parenting book I could get my hands on, anxious for advice on how to survive the roller coaster ride I felt I was on at the mercy of this tiny human. (I have to wonder how high my own personal tower of parent-babble would reach.) Anyway, every so often I would find myself so utterly confused by the conflicting views and the impossible standards and the ridiculous assumptions that I would have to stop reading and listening and just do what I thought I should do. I have found my self repeating this pattern periodically throughout the years. If I had spent more time just doing and less time soaking in so-called advice, I probably would have been a lot better off.

I was also interested (in a horrified kind of way) by Rosemond's explanation of the shift that's taken place in the role of the father in child-rearing. After he profiles today's “Micromanaging Mom” (guilty!) he goes on to describe “The Incredible Shrinking Father”:

The typical modern father is on the periphery of child rearing. He has little if any decision-making power and even less disciplinary authority. As his wife orbits around the child or children, busily attending to ever-smaller bits of minutiae, the father stands outside the periphery of her orbit, awaiting instruction. He is, in effect, his wife's “parenting aide,” whose function is akin to that of a teacher's aide in a classroom. The teacher's aide doesn't really know the curriculum, and neither does Dad, and Dad, like the teacher's aide, is there to simply assist the “real” parent and fill in for her when she needs a break. Even then however, he can't be trusted to know what to do. He must be given a list of instructions. (pg. 109)

Ouch! This comes perilously close to describing my household. Now, Dan has always been an involved, hands-on father, but because I'm the one who reads the books and understands the psychology I tend to over analyze everything he does or doesn't do and criticize everything he says or doesn't say, treating him as if he's doing it all wrong because he hasn't read the latest book, when in fact, he's probably guided quite capably by instincts implanted by his own upbringing. I thought this "mom's in charge" pattern arose solely as the result of my being raised during the height of the feminist movement, but now I see that modern-day parenting "experts" have slowly but surely crafted this scenario over the past few decades. And I observe this beyond my own walls as well. It is abundantly clear to me just how detrimental this dynamic can be to the marital relationship, let alone to the next generation of kids who observes the frustrated mother emasculating the dad because he's clueless, as far as she's concerned, about “proper” parenting techniques, and the father, usurped of any authority, becoming one of the kids. Not healthy, not healthy at all!

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm greatly relieved that this wraps up Part 1. I've had about all I can take concerning all that I've done wrong so far, and I'm ready to move on to "Recovery." Looking forward to Chapter 5 this week - I'll check in next Monday.

Hang in there!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

Proverbs Study - Lesson 2

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:10 (NIV)

What exactly does it mean to fear God? Here's what I think it means...



I could listen to that song over and over again (and I have!), and I believe it offers an excellent illustration for this week's lesson. In my own words, to fear God is to acknowledge who he is and thus be appropriately filled with awe and respect and reverence for his power and majesty and perfection and love...I could go on and on.

In this time and place it is so easy to take our focus off God. In our day to day lives, marked by busyness and materialism and worry and competition, we tend to forget God's sovereignty, instead vainly attempting to wrest control for ourselves. Self-sufficiency and success are measures of value in this secular world. There's a certain holier-than-thou arrogance that pervades our culture, as if our money and education and technology qualify us for god-like status. But in truth we are but dust compared to the greatness of the One True God.

As soon as I took a look at Job 38 this week, I knew God was after me for something, because I immediately realized that this was the OT reading just this past Sunday at church. I've learned that when God repeats himself he's trying to get my attention!

To summarize the four chapters Job 38 to 41, God is basically saying to Job (speaking from a storm no less), "Who do you think you are? Why don't we take a moment and compare resumes." Obviously, Job's pales in comparison, and he admits, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." (Job 42:3) But note there's no sense of oppression here, and even while God puts Job in his place, he does so without demeaning him or undervaluing his worth. Job experiences an "Aha" moment here. He continues, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:5) I can relate to that so well. It reminds me of my memory verse from a few weeks ago: "Then Jesus told him, 'I have come to judge the world. I have come to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.'" (John 9:39 NLT) We can think we know someone or something but only really be scratching the surface, and it will always be like this with God. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Turn your thoughts to God, and worship Him in thought, word and deed. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)


Once again, if you have the time, the audio provides some additional commentary (scroll down to 2/17/04), although you can skip over the handful of worship songs interspersed throughout - all you can hear is the piano, unfortunately.

As I close today, let me say that I am humbled and encouraged by the comments posted to this study thus far. You ladies are really taking this seriously, and your reflections are full of wisdom and value. I pray God continues to work through this blog and the study guide to reveal himself more and more to each of us. Any time spent in the Word is of value, and when we share our insights and discoveries with each other that value is multiplied as only God can do.

Now I know there are at least ten of us who bought the book, and I hope even if you're not commenting that you're finding the time to do the study on whatever time table works for you over the summer. I'm finding that though the lessons themselves can be worked through relatively quickly, the food for thought that is provided therein is bountiful and there is lots to "chew on" and ponder with the Lord.

I'm trying to keep to a regular schedule and finding that I really have to plan ahead (against my nature). I'll be on the road a couple days next week (have Macbook will travel!), but I'll make every attempt to keep up with the weekly lessons.

Grace and peace to you,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 3

If I had posted this last night when I intended to, I would not have been able to offer this timely case-in-point from this morning's Press Journal. The headline that caught my eye in the Indian River County section was this:

Fun-seeking man lets dad's BMW roll into river

However, when I looked up the article online the headline had been changed to this:

Police: Man jumped from bridge after sinking dad's BMW in Indian River Lagoon

The latter definitely has a more tragic tone, don't you think? In my mind it evokes scenes of a distraught son who, having spent a lifetime trying to please an overbearing, materialistic father, finally snapped and decided to end his misery with a farewell act of vengeance and a dramatic plunge to the ultimate release from his tortured life. Or perhaps the BMW-sinking was accidental, and the son, having never measured up to begin with and now faced with admitting this colossal mishap involving his father's prized possession, chose instead to end it all. Or maybe the father was in the car when the son drove it off the road, either accidentally or intentionally. Despairing that he had just drowned his own father, the son, consumed with mind-altering grief, dragged himself up the pedestrian walkway to the apex of the Barber Bridge and threw himself off in a desperate attempt to join his father in eternity.

Here's what really happened, according to Elliott Jones, reporter for the Press Journal:

VERO BEACH — A 25-year-old man rolled his father’s BMW into the Indian River Lagoon and then jumped 60 feet into the water from the Merrill Barber Bridge — all as a lark, police say.

Charges haven’t been filed in the 2:30 a.m. Monday incident. But George Peniston of the 100 block of Terrapin Point could face legal consequences, said police spokesman Officer John Morrison.

Jumping off a bridge could be considered disorderly conduct punishable by six months in jail.

And submerging the car at the city’s MacWilliam Park boat ramp could violate state anti-pollution laws, the spokesman said.

When interviewed by police, the youth did not appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Also, Peniston did not want to hurt himself, according to police reports.

He just said, “He placed the vehicle (a 2006 silver BMW) in drive and intentionally let it roll into the Indian River” near a boat ramp at the park, reports show.

Then, “He thought it would be fun to jump off the bridge and was only doing it for his own entertainment.”

After jumping from the bridge, fishermen on a pier under the east end of the bridge saw someone swimming and yelling for help.

One of the fisherman, George Lewis, jumped in to aid Peniston as people called authorities. County Emergency Medical Services personnel pulled the two from the waters and took Peniston to Indian River Medical Center.

While at the medical center, Peniston’s parents, Eric and Deborah, said their son told them he let the BMW roll into the river.

Later officers tried to press the youth for further details. He asked for an attorney and stopped talking.

On Monday morning the car was pulled from the water.

If there is any remotely redeeming aspect to this nonsense, I would say it's the fact that apparently (though perhaps unbelievably) there was no alcohol involved.

Now, I guess the perpetrator was described as a "man" strictly because of his age. Doesn't sound like a man to me. In fact, I noticed that the url of the article contains these key words: "...police-teen-jumped-from-bridge-after-sinking-bmw/" leading me to think that the police and/or reporter initially assumed they were dealing with a wayward teenager, only to discover later that the joker is 25. In fact, several times in this deep and engaging news item, the prankster is described as a "youth" - I guess Elliott Jones forgot to go back and replace these references with "adult male who should have known better and is now a tremendous embarrassment to his parents." I can't help but wonder what George Lewis thinks – the real man who jumped in to save this supposed victim. Do you think that the “fun-seeker” will pay the tens of thousands of dollars in property damage? And did this whole thing turn out to be as “fun” as he had hoped?

His ridiculous prank brings to mind Rosemond's comment back in Chapter 2: “Today's parents are not curing toddlerhood,” and this 25 year old child is apparently lacking in Grandma's 3 R's: Respect, Responsibility, and Resourcefulness.

But alas, there but for the grace of God go I. And God has graciously put John Rosemond's latest book in my hands and thus encouraged me in my daily battle to ward off the multitude of destructive cultural influences attacking my children.

The thing that really stuck with me this week after reading Chapter 3 is the concept of kids making a meaningful contribution to the family and how beneficial that is for everyone in and outside of the home. To quote the author, "Occupying a bedroom, watching television, playing video games, and consuming family resources are not acts of contribution..." Because of our lax summer schedule, this is the perfect time of year for me to teach my kids more household responsibility and raise the bar on my expectations. For the most part they've been fairly receptive this week - I must be careful not to expect too much too soon, not to react to typical but for the most part empty protests, and not too be pushy or mean about it - just calmly and confidently state my requirements and help them learn new tasks. Step by step they'll gain a true understanding of family, teamwork, respect and self-confidence.

Two questions before we move on to Chapter 4:
1) I can't quite get my mind to grasp the difference between self-esteem and self-respect. Is this just symantics, or can you explain the subtleties to me?
2) I noticed the author didn't really tie in the chapter's title to the content. Why do you think Chapter 3 is called "The Serpent's Currency"?

Be sure to ponder (and comment on if you like) the questions on pages 92 & 93, and then move on to Chapter 4. I love the title - "The Tower of Parent-Babble"! I'll see you back here next Monday (or Tuesday!).

Blessings and peace,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

Proverbs Study - Lesson 1

How did you do? Have you done your homework? I'm eager to hear your feedback - it's always a little strange getting started with a new study, especially by an author we're unfamiliar with. There's always kind of a "getting to know you" period between me and the book. So what did you think?

First off, the fact that Lesson 1 is about mentoring with an emphasis on discipline made me realize that God is up to something because the GWS book club that's running concurrently with this study is covering the same subject. We're reading "Parenting by The Book" and we're learning to recognize the culture's faulty parenting principles and replace them with reliable Biblical truth. So there has been a huge overlap in my reading and blogging this week. Of course this study really just scratches the surface of this topic. If you'd like to join us as we really dig deep into Biblically-based child rearing, check out the book club on this same blog.

I also listened to the audio teaching that goes with this lesson (scroll down to 2/10/04 and play or download), and I thought it was well worth the time. The speaker did a good job of fleshing out the workbook material and offering practical application for the basic principles.

To summarize, the author shows us scripturally that we are all called to pass along our faith to the next generation in some way, whether it be parenting and grandparenting (spellcheck wants to make this word "grandpa renting"! LOL), interaction with children and youth, mentoring other women, or some combination of the above. She then points us toward the qualities integral to Godly mentors and elaborates on two mentoring skills, encouragement and correction.

I found many of the questions to be somewhat obscure - not sure if I'm reading too much into them or not enough. If you were stumped by any in particular, we can compare answers via posting comments.

The question that grabbed my attention more than any other was #2 on page 16, which probes Proverbs 20:7. "The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him." The author asks, "Does this mean we must be perfect?" Trick question. We know that Jesus was and is the only perfect human being, and that besides him "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) So what is the principle here? Try your hardest? Somehow that seems a little lame. And just how close do we have to come for our children to be blessed instead of cursed?

Here's what the Lord spoke to me through this verse. First of all, we must be careful not to turn it around and falsely conclude that a blameless life, even if achievable, would make us righteous. On the contrary, Ephesians 2:8&9 makes it clear that "it is by grace you have been saved,--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." There is nothing we can do to earn salvation from God. We could never be "good enough" no matter how hard we try. But thanks be to God, Jesus did all the work for us on the cross, and it is our acknowledgment of that and our submission to Jesus as Lord of our life that makes us acceptable to God. Grace is defined as giving what we do not deserve, and Jesus' perfect life and sacrifice on our behalf is that gift. Paul tells us elsewhere that "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." (Romans 8:1) "No condemnation" means that upon judgment we're declared "Not Guilty" - we are "blameless."

So to get back to the proverb, it is only by God's grace that we are considered righteous and blameless. "The righteous man leads a blameless life" is a proclamation of God's transforming love, rather than a challenge impossible to achieve. But the truth of that should indeed inspire us to lead Godly lives and demonstrate His goodness to others. We're commanded in Deuteronomy 6 to impress God's commands upon our children, and that is directly preceded by the command for us to "Love the LORD your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:5) If our focus is on our heavenly Father, and we rightfully live in gratitude for his most precious love for us, our relationship with Him can't help but spill over to our children and those around us. Loving God is the best thing we can do to bless our children.

Spend some quiet time with God this week. Thank him for his love. Ask him to draw you closer to him and to help you see your children and others through his eyes. Purposefully do something for someone just because God has done so much for you.

I pray God's blessing upon you and yours this week as we move on to Lesson 2 - "Fear" the Lord. Be sure to read "Table Talk" on page 26 & 27 as well.

Grace and peace,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book club - Chapter 2

I think if I were reading this book earlier in my Christian walk I might be tempted to toss it. Chapter Two comprises the systematic dismantling of the pervading theories underlying much of this society's modern parenting practices. It flies in the face of everything we've come to accept as expert and assume is proven. The author completely and harshly tears down the three major philosophies which form the basis for today's psychological advice and counsel.

So why do I believe that John Rosemond has it right and the mainstream psychologists have it wrong?

First of all, as the author states on page 32, these "bogus" philosophies "have become so embedded in collective thought that most people take them for granted..." I personally have bought into these theories without ever really knowing much about them. Sure I took Psych 101 in college, but that was long ago! Rosemond logically and convincingly explains to me in these pages the flaws in these schools of thought, as well as pointing out that real life renders them invalid.

Second, some time in the past decade or so I came to the realization that the Bible is true and reliable and that it is indeed the living and active inspired Word of God. After years of reading it and studying it as a self-described skeptic, I remember finally coming to the point where I acknowledged that the Bible is truth, whether or not I believe it. So I decided to believe it. And boy, has my life been simpler since then!

So when faced with the chart on page 65, detailing contrasting points of view, I have no problem believing that "Grandma's" column is accurate, and the left hand column is a bunch of malarkey.

Reading this book has caused me to wonder why exactly I've been sucked in so completely by "Postmodern Psychological Parenting," as Rosemond calls it. My parents were certainly raised the old-fashioned way, and I guess for the most part I was too, as I was born in the early 60's and was coming of age slightly ahead of these theories. I do wonder if their emergence and growing popularity influenced my mother at all. Was she confident? Confused? Skeptical of the so-called experts? Doubtful of her own abilities and intuition? Oh, how I wish she were alive to answer these questions. With my mother, my mother-in-law-to-be, and my grandmothers all gone before I was married, let alone before I became a mother myself, my primary source of parenting guidance was initially the culture until little by little I came to rely increasingly heavily on scripture and prayer. Whereas PMP has infused my life with guilt and stress, when I turn to God and His Word, I find confidence and peace and joy.

As with all areas of my life, but especially in the realm of motherhood, upon discovering God's Truth it's difficult not to be overcome with regret for all the mistakes I have made in my blindness. But God loves my children and can work mightily in their lives in spite of their mother's shortcomings. I've always been pretty much a black and white, rule following perfectionist, but I'm learning that raising my children isn't so much about getting the right answers as it is about being in relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and relying on Him every step of the way.

I look forward to dispensing with Part I and moving on to Part II where I trust we'll get into answering the question, "What do I do now?" But for now I'll stick to the schedule, reading Chapter 3 this week and reporting back next Monday. Don't forget to post your comments and questions!

Blessings to you,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

Two recipe discoveries in one week!

Let's start with dessert! Last Saturday I searched my cookbooks and the internet to find something to do with a pint of blueberries and some granny smith apples that had seen better days. Wasn't long before I hit the jackpot! The first thing I clicked on was this recipe for Apple Blueberry Crumble Bars - you have to scroll down to get to the actual recipe, but believe me it's worth it! (For a bucolic bonus, take a few minutes to roam around Farmgirl's blog - beautiful photography, lots of country recipes, and flocks of sheep!) Genny and I enjoyed making this together - it was wonderfully easy - and it quickly became a new favorite for the whole family. We served it warm with Breyers vanilla ice cream on top, but I may just make another batch to keep in the freezer as snack bars.....

One might ask, what does biblical womanhood and barbecue ribs have in common? Actually, I never would have thought to ask that question prior to this week, when I came across another blog called girltalk, which I immediately added to my Google Reader. It's a beautiful and well-organized site with a wide variety of resources and commentary. And who'd have thought you could find an amazing BBQ rib recipe on such a site! But that's exactly what I found, and it too has passed the Dixon family test with flying colors. Here it is reprinted from allrecipes.com:

Simple BBQ Ribs

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 pounds country style pork ribs
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 1 cup barbeque sauce

Directions

1. Place ribs in a large pot with enough water to cover. Season with garlic powder, black pepper and salt. Bring water to a boil, and cook ribs until tender.
2. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
3. Remove ribs from pot, and place them in a 9x13 inch baking dish. Pour barbeque sauce over ribs. Cover dish with aluminum foil, and bake in the preheated oven for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, or until internal temperature of pork has reached 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).

Bon Appetit!

Proverbs Summer Study Starts Today

Alright, friends, we're really moving now! Today's the day we launch "Proverbs: Ancient Wisdom for a Postmodern World." If you already have a book, go ahead and get started. If you haven't gotten the book yet, go ahead and order it (here or here is probably your best bet) and then join in.

This week, please read "How to Use This Study Guide," "What You Need to Know About Proverbs" and do Lesson1: "Raising Up the Next Generation." Next Wednesday look for a follow-up post here. If you'd like to hear a teaching on this lesson, click here. The lecture is about 30 minutes, and I've listened to part of it, but I'm not sure if it's intended for the start of the lesson or to follow up on the homework. But the new me (the one who left perfectionism behind) isn't going to worry about that! If you prefer to download it, click here, scroll down to 2/10/04 "Pass It On" and click on "Download." Then you can put it on your ipod and take it with you, right?

In any event, let's start off this study as we usually do - with an icebreaker. This time it will be a virtual icebreaker, and it will serve the double duty of introducing yourself and practicing posting comments, which I hope to see a lot of throughout the next 9 weeks! :-) Now in the intro you will read that "a proverb is a pithy and wise saying" and that "proverbs are principles that are true in general terms" and which "show us the way the world works and how to live wisely in it." So let's each share a favorite proverb - doesn't have to be one from the Bible. And make sure you give your name.

Here are two to get you started, the first from the Bible:
"It is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share the house with a nagging wife."
Proverbs 21:9

and the second from Poor Richard's Almanac:
"Fish and Visitors stink in 3 days."
Ben Franklin, 1736

May the Lord fill us with His wisdom as we journey through this study together.

Blessings to you,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book Club - Intro & Chapter 1

OK, so, I've already figured out that I need to start thinking about what I'm going to post prior to Monday night if we're going to keep on track here! I do recall stating somewhere that this book club is an experiment, so I hope you'll forgive any fits and starts and (I hope) growing pains. One thing I know is that this won't be a failed experiment because God will use this book and this blog in some way shape or form to further his kingdom.

The very first thing that struck me, right on page one no less, was this: "The matter of how a child should be raised is not about the parent; it's about the child." Now this may be obvious to you, but it is something that I not only need to be reminded of, but that also kind of confuses me at times, and I could use some elaboration and clarification. It also brings to mind this song by Jennifer Shaw entitled "The Blessing" which, when I first heard it three years ago, was a true revelation for me about my role as a mother:

In the days before I even dreamed of a child
And in the nights before I knew your name
The Lord knew you; He meant you for me all the while
And now my life will never be the same

In His word He said He knit you together
He planned your smile and every hair on your head
His love for you is so infinite and tender
He gave His son to stand in your stead

You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you
So I will cherish my wonderful blessing,
For that's the work the Lord has given me to do.

And though it seemed impossible to bear the time
It stretched so long, seeming endless in its span
When they gave me you and I finally knew that you were mine
I saw it clear: the perfection of God's plan.

You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you.
So I will cherish, and remember
The Lord's love for me when I look at you.

From the album "Be Still"
Copyright© 2003 Jennifer C. Shaw. All Rights Reserved

Within the worldly constraints of chronological time, I came first and my children followed. I tend to think in terms of God giving them to me, in response to my request or desire. Now it's my daunting responsibility to figure out what to do with them. But this song kind of turns that idea around and looks at it from the other side when it says "the Lord has given me to you," reminding me that my children were planned by God from the beginning of time and were not really my idea at all. What's more, God thinks so highly of me that out of all the women who have or will populate this earth, he found me worthy of the honor of being the mother of Chris, Genny & Eddie, his children whom he loves more than I do, if you can believe that. When I look at things from this perspective, somehow my responsibility is much better defined, and I feel much more confident, as if a tremendous burden has been lifted. And it has. The burden of control. As with so many other things, when we shift the focus away from self our vision becomes much clearer.

And now along comes John Rosemond and tells me that, contrary to what I've been experiencing, raising my children is not supposed to be "the single most stressful thing a woman will do in her lifetime." (pg. 3) Apparently in days of yore raising children did not necessarily "consume, exasperate, and exhaust" the mother. (pg. 14) Then what am I doing wrong, I ask? Because I for one tend to be consumed, exasperated, and oh yes, exhausted! (Now that my kids are a little older, mental exhaustion has replaced physical exhaustion.) Furthermore, I guess I believed my level of anguish to be a reliable indicator of my devotion, and my hard work and worry to be basic requirements for me to prevail over the insidious cultural influences attacking my children. From what we've read so far, it looks as if I've had it all wrong. Looks like I'm a product of my Postmodern generation. (That takes care of question 2 on page 30 for me!)

I am eager to read on to understand just how to "align [myself] with God's blueprint for child rearing," and I am tremendously encouraged by Rosemond's promise on page 29: "Unlike the attempt to conform one's parenting to the many intricate and confusing dos and don'ts of Postmodern Psychological Parenting, this alignment will not strain the brain or cause doubt, anxiety, and guilt." Bring it on!

I'd be interested to know where you get your parenting advice from. Do you rely on parents or other relatives, either by current contact or recollection? Do you seek advice more from books and professionals, from peers, from your church, from Dear Abby, from the media, from those who have gone before? How does your proximity to or distance from your parents or siblings affect your child-raising? Do you wish you were closer to or farther away from the influence of family?

Post your comments or questions or thoughts, and read Chapter 2 for next Monday (6/15).

Have a great week!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

What's on your nightstand?

People deal with stress in numerous ways. Some eat, some drink, some exercise, some shop. I read. I mean, I always read a lot, but you can tell when something's on my mind because books start stacking up around the house - especially on my nightstand. And instead of my usual one-at-a-time, start-to-finish reading, I find I have a few books going at one time. Often I read to research or seek guidance for a concern or struggle, with the hope that acquiring knowledge will help ease my mind. Sometimes I read to escape concerns or struggles - some good page-turning fluff to occupy my crowded thoughts. Books are absolutely irresistible to me. Absolutely irresistible. In fact several years ago I gave up my Sam's Club membership when I realized that as long as the book section was right up front I would always come out of there having spent at least $30 more than I should have. I definitely was not saving money there. (One time I went for groceries and came home with a coffee table - and probably some booksto go on it!)

Once I have a book in my hand it's difficult for me to put it down. I can't leave a bookstore empty handed, I just can't. I've tried. I'm a little more successful at restraining myself online. A little. I do try to borrow from the library whenever possible. In fact I find that particularly satisfying. I can reserve books online, and it's almost like ordering from amazon or Christian Book Distributors, without the convenience of delivery, of course. But when they call me to go pick it up, I can browse the shelves for even more books, select an armload, take them all home, and pile them up on my nightstand, all without spending a dime. I usually renew them a few times, and if I don't get around to actually reading them, back they go. I mean, I do intend to read all the books I buy or borrow, but that really would be humanly impossible. I have caches of them all over the house. Sometimes it's enough to just page through them and hold them for a little while. Then I can put them aside or part with them, knowing that some day I'll get around to reading them cover to cover if I really need to or want to.

So what does my nightstand say about me right now? Well, let's look what's on it. A couple weeks ago I heard an add on XM Radio's Familytalk station for Rebecca Hagelin's "30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family." I read her book "Home Invasion" a few years ago, and I consider protecting my kids from cultural assault to be one of my primary responsibilities, so I was interested in the offer to get this new release free with a subscription to Town Hall Magazine. I ended up taking a pass on that offer (I already subscribe to Citizen Magazine) but found "30 Days..." on amazon for a mere $16.47 - for a hardback yet. Click! And since one of my favorite pastimes is to avoid paying shipping on amazon, I decided that now was the time to buy "The Way They Learn" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. This book has been a great help to me in figuring out how best to reconcile Eddie and school (the two don't really get along so well), and I've borrowed it from the library so much in the last six months or so I decided it was worth owning my own copy. Click!

Now of course amazon wouldn't let me go without suggesting all these other books that I "need" to read, and a couple of them did pique my interest and are available at the library, so off I went to retrieve "Talkers, Watchers, & Doers" (I'm a "watcher" raising a "doer") and "Raising Motivated Kids" (surely there's more to motivation than a ranting mother), both by Cheri Fuller. While there "The Homework Solution" and "Helping Boys Succeed in School" caught my eye. Can you tell I've had a challenging year as a parent of a third grader? Now I don't know if I really want to tackle these just as summer vacation is kicking off, but somehow it's soothing just to have them at hand.

Top priority on my nightstand right now is Ken Follett's "World Without End." I read "Pillars of the Earth" about 20 years ago (long before Oprah gave it any attention) and still count it among my all time favorite books. (Although after 20 years I'm going to have to read it again to recall why! lol) I don't think WWE will achieve the same status in my library, but the first 650 pages have breezed right by!

So there you have it. If you scroll down the left margin, you can actually see my Shelfari nightstand. I'll keep it up to date with what I'm reading in real life, and I expect it will change frequently, especially now that it's summer time and there's more room in my schedule for beach reading. ;-) I'll keep you posted as I come across good stuff, and I hope you'll pass along suggestions for me, too. Happy reading!

Proverbs Study begins next week

If you plan to join us on our journey into Proverbs you should order your workbook if you haven't already done so. I have one unclaimed copy still available and up for grabs ($10). Plenty available from Amazon and Christianbook.com for as low as $4.98 plus shipping.

Next Wednesday I'll be kicking off with an introductory post and assigning the first chapter. Follow my schedule of one lesson per week, or work at your own pace - you will be able to comment on any post at any time, so there's no need to get discouraged if you fall behind - no such thing :-)

Do not hesitate to let me (Eleanor) know if you have any questions about the study or how this is going to work. You can do so by posting a comment below. This will definitely be a learning experience for all of us - very experimental but something that I trust God to use in our lives.

Please be in prayer that our hearts and lives will be changed by this study, that God will reveal himself to each of us, that He will bless and strengthen my efforts to reach women through this blog, and that all whom He wants to participate will be led by the Holy Spirit to do so.

In His Service,
Eleanor

Get Ready, Get Set, Go! Book Club starts today!

OK, girls, let's waste no time getting started on our summer reading. I hope you've already gotten a copy of "Parenting by The Book," but if you haven't, it's not too late. Find yourself a copy and join us ASAP.

We'll start at the beginning, of course, and the assignment for this first week is to read the intro and Chapter 1 (not Part One, Chapter One). Next Monday I'll come up with something to post about - some observations or questions - and our discussion will be underway.

Today I thought I'd introduce my three reasons for needing this book:
Chris is my firstborn, currently 14 years old, and finishing up his middle school career. Wait! How did that happen? When did that happen? He'll be starting 9th grade in August. Egad! Just yesterday he was putting VHS tapes in the VCR upside down. Now he's ready to embark on his high school adventure and is psyched to have earned a spot on the drum line in marching band. Thankfully, he's not allowed to bring his bass drum home - on the other hand, it might be a new way of getting people to the dinner table.

Genny (short for Genevieve) is my diamond in the rough - she being the jewel, and her brothers being the rough! :-) She's right in the thick of middle school with 6th grade already under her belt, and speaking of belts, she's been changing her clothes an average of 7 times daily since she became able to stand on her own about 11 years ago. I think she may have a design future ahead of her as she loves to rearrange her bedroom furniture and make Christmas and shopping lists into Powerpoint presentations.

And then there's Eddie. He's not really as tiny as he appears here - I think the board is a 12-footer. Eddie is my happy-go-lucky, imaginative, enthusiastic third child who much prefers skimboarding (or just about anything, for that matter) to school. Nevertheless he has successfully completed third grade, and we're all relieved to be two short days away from summer vacation. Eddie's favorite thing about third grade was making a medieval castle - his ended up being a torture chamber with a bed of mails made out of toothpicks, and styrofoam boulders crushing an unsuspecting Playmobil guy.

So there you have it - these are the children God has assigned to me and Dan, charging us with raising them to adulthood. It is a daunting responsibility, but oh, the joys!

One of the reasons this book appeals to me is that throughout my parenting adventure, I periodically overdose on so-called expert advice to the point that my head practically bursts from confusion and conflict. The back cover of "Parenting by The Book" states that the author "brings parents back to the uncomplicated basics" (I want me some of that!) and that he will "help [me] be the parent [I] want to be, with children who will be 'a delight to [my] soul.'" (I really want me some of that!)

So let's get started. You have your reading assignment, but before you go I'd like for all of us to know who's on this journey. Please post a comment with your name, where you're from (I hope somebody is from somewhere other than Vero!) the first names of your children and their ages, and perhaps a little snippet of what you hope to get from this book and/or book club. If you're new to blogging, below this post you'll see a link "Post a comment" - click on it and enter your info/comments in the box on the top right. Below that you should see a box to check if you want to receive follow-up comments via email. Please check that - it's an extremely convenient way to see others' comments or questions, so we're better able to share and benefit from others' experiences. I guarantee you're inbox will not be overrun! I only pray that someday I'll have to take back those very words! Anyway, the click "Publish your comment" and Voila! you'll be blogging!