The very first thing that struck me, right on page one no less, was this: "The matter of how a child should be raised is not about the parent; it's about the child." Now this may be obvious to you, but it is something that I not only need to be reminded of, but that also kind of confuses me at times, and I could use some elaboration and clarification. It also brings to mind this song by Jennifer Shaw entitled "The Blessing" which, when I first heard it three years ago, was a true revelation for me about my role as a mother:
In the days before I even dreamed of a child
And in the nights before I knew your name
The Lord knew you; He meant you for me all the while
And now my life will never be the same
In His word He said He knit you together
He planned your smile and every hair on your head
His love for you is so infinite and tender
He gave His son to stand in your stead
You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you
So I will cherish my wonderful blessing,
For that's the work the Lord has given me to do.
And though it seemed impossible to bear the time
It stretched so long, seeming endless in its span
When they gave me you and I finally knew that you were mine
I saw it clear: the perfection of God's plan.
You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you.
So I will cherish, and remember
The Lord's love for me when I look at you.
From the album "Be Still"
Copyright© 2003 Jennifer C. Shaw. All Rights Reserved
Within the worldly constraints of chronological time, I came first and my children followed. I tend to think in terms of God giving them to me, in response to my request or desire. Now it's my daunting responsibility to figure out what to do with them. But this song kind of turns that idea around and looks at it from the other side when it says "the Lord has given me to you," reminding me that my children were planned by God from the beginning of time and were not really my idea at all. What's more, God thinks so highly of me that out of all the women who have or will populate this earth, he found me worthy of the honor of being the mother of Chris, Genny & Eddie, his children whom he loves more than I do, if you can believe that. When I look at things from this perspective, somehow my responsibility is much better defined, and I feel much more confident, as if a tremendous burden has been lifted. And it has. The burden of control. As with so many other things, when we shift the focus away from self our vision becomes much clearer.
And now along comes John Rosemond and tells me that, contrary to what I've been experiencing, raising my children is not supposed to be "the single most stressful thing a woman will do in her lifetime." (pg. 3) Apparently in days of yore raising children did not necessarily "consume, exasperate, and exhaust" the mother. (pg. 14) Then what am I doing wrong, I ask? Because I for one tend to be consumed, exasperated, and oh yes, exhausted! (Now that my kids are a little older, mental exhaustion has replaced physical exhaustion.) Furthermore, I guess I believed my level of anguish to be a reliable indicator of my devotion, and my hard work and worry to be basic requirements for me to prevail over the insidious cultural influences attacking my children. From what we've read so far, it looks as if I've had it all wrong. Looks like I'm a product of my Postmodern generation. (That takes care of question 2 on page 30 for me!)
I am eager to read on to understand just how to "align [myself] with God's blueprint for child rearing," and I am tremendously encouraged by Rosemond's promise on page 29: "Unlike the attempt to conform one's parenting to the many intricate and confusing dos and don'ts of Postmodern Psychological Parenting, this alignment will not strain the brain or cause doubt, anxiety, and guilt." Bring it on!
I'd be interested to know where you get your parenting advice from. Do you rely on parents or other relatives, either by current contact or recollection? Do you seek advice more from books and professionals, from peers, from your church, from Dear Abby, from the media, from those who have gone before? How does your proximity to or distance from your parents or siblings affect your child-raising? Do you wish you were closer to or farther away from the influence of family?
Post your comments or questions or thoughts, and read Chapter 2 for next Monday (6/15).
Have a great week!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2
Copyright© 2003 Jennifer C. Shaw. All Rights Reserved
Within the worldly constraints of chronological time, I came first and my children followed. I tend to think in terms of God giving them to me, in response to my request or desire. Now it's my daunting responsibility to figure out what to do with them. But this song kind of turns that idea around and looks at it from the other side when it says "the Lord has given me to you," reminding me that my children were planned by God from the beginning of time and were not really my idea at all. What's more, God thinks so highly of me that out of all the women who have or will populate this earth, he found me worthy of the honor of being the mother of Chris, Genny & Eddie, his children whom he loves more than I do, if you can believe that. When I look at things from this perspective, somehow my responsibility is much better defined, and I feel much more confident, as if a tremendous burden has been lifted. And it has. The burden of control. As with so many other things, when we shift the focus away from self our vision becomes much clearer.
And now along comes John Rosemond and tells me that, contrary to what I've been experiencing, raising my children is not supposed to be "the single most stressful thing a woman will do in her lifetime." (pg. 3) Apparently in days of yore raising children did not necessarily "consume, exasperate, and exhaust" the mother. (pg. 14) Then what am I doing wrong, I ask? Because I for one tend to be consumed, exasperated, and oh yes, exhausted! (Now that my kids are a little older, mental exhaustion has replaced physical exhaustion.) Furthermore, I guess I believed my level of anguish to be a reliable indicator of my devotion, and my hard work and worry to be basic requirements for me to prevail over the insidious cultural influences attacking my children. From what we've read so far, it looks as if I've had it all wrong. Looks like I'm a product of my Postmodern generation. (That takes care of question 2 on page 30 for me!)
I am eager to read on to understand just how to "align [myself] with God's blueprint for child rearing," and I am tremendously encouraged by Rosemond's promise on page 29: "Unlike the attempt to conform one's parenting to the many intricate and confusing dos and don'ts of Postmodern Psychological Parenting, this alignment will not strain the brain or cause doubt, anxiety, and guilt." Bring it on!
I'd be interested to know where you get your parenting advice from. Do you rely on parents or other relatives, either by current contact or recollection? Do you seek advice more from books and professionals, from peers, from your church, from Dear Abby, from the media, from those who have gone before? How does your proximity to or distance from your parents or siblings affect your child-raising? Do you wish you were closer to or farther away from the influence of family?
Post your comments or questions or thoughts, and read Chapter 2 for next Monday (6/15).
Have a great week!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2
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3 comments:
I have actually started Ch 2, now I need to get in the habit of checking in more often. What another great book! And, of course, I have highlighted just about every line. So, where do I begin.
I love, "It (the bible) is all things to all people in every time" p 9. I wish i knew this a long time ago. I could saved 100's of hours of reading pointless, incorrect info.
This whole chapter is about what i have been feeling about secular mental health professional. They don't understand the Truth.
I am so glad i don't feel intimidated to open the Bible anymore. It used to be so overwhelming. The Holy Spirit is amazing how he has worked in my life.
Dr. Brothers sounds like the original Oprah. Yeah?
"The Doctor's Is In" really said. Wow have i seen this change in parenting styles. Especially with my elders and myself. My mom sees it, and says that is why the act up and don't listen when Brian and I are around versus when they are alone with her and my dad. I am not sure where i should make a change. I loved the montessori school they went to, but I fear the non-biblical vocabulary and ideas were as helpful as i thought.
Man Oh Man, it sure is hard to try to blog when Seth keeps begging me to go Shamu's website. Frustrating!!
Angel, maybe you should have sat on him when he was two! LOL - (see page 48)
I've always lived near my parents since my children starting arriving, yet I don't ever recall specifically asking for their advice. About the only books I ever read were "milestone" books - you know the type where it says what your child/baby should be doing when (and then feeling for sure something was wrong with them because they weren't on target), and a John Rosemond book many years ago when he spoke in Vero Beach. I witnessed firsthand "yada yada discipline" coming from highly educated and well-intentioned parents who still couldn't get their children to behave in socially acceptable ways (duh, sometimes one quick smack on the butt is enough to stop a bad behavior, but I sure wouldn't want to get labeled a child abuser!). But there are insidious forces at work on mothers - TV, magazines, friends, popular culture - that try to make us feel that what we know in our gut is right , ain't. My first baby is 28 now, and any attempts I might have made to follow the "postmodern psychological parenting" techniques were long ago blown out of the water about the time that child turned 16. In spite of our feeble attempts at child rearing, God's grace is apparent in our children's lives time and time again.
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