"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 9

I almost missed it. I tore through this chapter, surprised at its brevity and somewhat disappointed that it didn't have more meat to it. After all the revelations I've been experiencing in the preceding chapters, I thought this one was kind of no brainer. I mean, come on, if you're reading this book in the first place you're probably already convinced of the Bible's authority, or at least you're already convinced that discipline is a good thing and very important.

But as I was reflecting on how to spin a decent post out of a 5 minute chapter it hit me: I'm doing exactly what John Rosemond described in the intro to Part Three. I'm looking for methods when I should be concentrating on my point of view. My disappointment with Chapter 9 stemmed from my impatience. In my head I've been saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already know this part. Just tell me what to do." But God is slowing me down and giving me lots to think about.

In Lesson 1 of The Truth Project, Focus on the Family's 12-week teaching series on biblical worldview, participants are asked (rhetorically) "Do you really believe, that what you believe is really real?" The point is that if we really believe in the existence and authority of God and the Bible, not just in our heads but in our hearts, then our actions and lives will undeniably reflect that belief or worldview.

This came to mind as I pondered Chapter 9. I know the Bible says discipline is good, even punishment, and Rosemond provides several scripture references to back that up. But have I internalized that truth to the point where it governs my actions? Or am I still straddling the fence between God's Truth and secular postmodernism? Do I really believe that what I believe is really real? The discussion questions on page 197 help us probe this issue, especially #2 & #4, and I urge you to give them some thought and prayer.

Rosemond posits, "No method will work for long in the absence of the right point of view. On the other hand, just about any method will work for a parent with the right point of view. The one and only right point of view is the biblical one." (page 187) This pulls the lens back even farther than last week when we looked at seasons of parenting, or the week before when we learned how to be farsighted. Here we're talking about an eternal point of view which should shape and guide our day to day decisions.

But here's where it starts to get tough for me. How does this look in real life? The other day I was listening to a teaching on Proverbs, which is all about the pursuit of wisdom. We all need that, right? Well, the speaker said that knowledge is the acquisition of information, but wisdom is what we do with that knowledge. Whoa - that caught my attention. As an avid reader with a natural curiosity and thirst for info, I am constantly acquiring knowledge. But if I'm not applying it, it's not doing me much good - it could even be dangerous as the old saying goes. lol Where parenting is concerned, this book has given us plenty of knowledge about pervading psychological theories, about sound biblical principles, and in this chapter about right point of view. But how does this knowledge translate into decisions and actions? For example, just to name one issue I'm dealing with right now, how does an eternal point of view help me and my teenage son orchestrate his extracurricular schedule? (or his curricular one, for that matter?) These are questions I continue to wrestle with.

So as you can see, this chapter is anything but a toss off for me. Perhaps I'm off on a wild tangent, but then again, Rosemond is speaking the very Word of God, which is never a toss off. On the contrary, it's living and active and pertinent to our 21st century lives.

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 8

Couldn't resist this classic. Do you think all those girls are screaming because the Byrds are quoting scripture? Obviously the season depicted here is past - a time when this was considered edgy popular music, a time when this was the worst in rebellious hair fashion, a time when enamored fans wore dresses and sweater sets in hopes of being noticed by the objects of their obsession.

As I read this chapter I was mentally taking note of what season I'm in with each of my children. Rosemond includes some specific questions addressing this on page 185. How are you doing? Are you on track? What steps do you need to take to move toward where you should be?

Solomon, revered through the ages for his wisdom, tells us in Proverbs 20:4, "A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing." (NIV) The NLT puts it this way: "If you are too lazy to plow in the right season, you will have no food at the harvest." Yet we're living in a culture stuck in Season 1. Today's "good mother" is virtually defined by how efficiently she shuttles her children from one enriching activity to the next. We're not "plowing in the right season." And the thing that gets me is that "The Season of Service" is the hardest one! And the longer we let it go on, the harder it gets!

Are you willing to be "counter-cultural" and sacrifice the popular notions of parenting in order to cultivate the harvest God has planned for us and our children? It requires plenty of self-confidence and even more faith to act in a way that flies in the face of all we've previously but errantly accepted as true. I believe that Rosemond is speaking Truth with a capital T in these pages. I believe him when he says that parenting should't be this complicated. Everything he says makes sense to me. I'm eager to move on, so let's forge ahead into Part III - the hands-on, how-to section! On to Chapter 9!

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 7

The concept of farsighted parenting, addressed by Rosemond in Chapter 7, was the most challenging for me so far. Of course, that's because I'm guilty of what he calls McParenting. Trouble is, I've always thought I've been too concerned about the future in that I tend to worry about the potential precedent-setting of the simplest decision, and the long term repercussions of the most minor of my children's behaviors. With respect to everyday parenting decisions, I've always found it particularly difficult to find the dividing line between building character and promoting accomplishment, to distinguish between what ultimately matters and what to let go.

As I've read and reread Chapter 7 and begun to digest it, things are definitely becoming more clear for me. I've never been particularly good at goal setting and visualizing the future, but God in His grace has provided all the vision I need where my kids are concerned by revealing His standards in His Word.

For example, an issue that's been nagging me for months finally became clear and simple to me this week, thanks to Rosemond's guidance. Several months ago my 12 year old daughter bought a bikini which I approved despite some misgivings. Though it looks great on her it's pretty skimpy. Ever since I offered my permission, albeit with plenty of hemming and hawing, I've been seeking affirmation for the appropriateness of this bathing suit by observing the fashions of other girls her age, comparing the relative amounts of revealed skin among the tween population on the beach, encouraging my friends to commiserate with me in my angst, and by placing arbitrary limitations on where and when my daughter may wear the suit in question. You can guess that this was a stressful and confusing exercise in futility. Why didn't I just go with my instinct in the first place? We've already answered that question in Chapters 1 through 6! Anyway, Chapter 7 has successfully put an end to my cycle of indecision and elusive affirmation. I finally asked myself, what's the longterm issue here? What is the pertinent aspect of Godly adulthood in this case? And the answer came quite simply: God desires women to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9, 1 Peter 3:3). The tiny subject of my great turmoil is colorful and pretty and flattering and a great many things, but it is decidedly not modest. Case closed. So yesterday I explained to Genny that I made a mistake when I allowed her to buy that bathing suit and I'm sorry. God wants us to be modest; it's not modest. I offered to buy her a cover up to be worn over the suit at all times, to buy her a replacement suit, or to buy the suit back from her for cash. Maybe we'll have a burning ceremony.

Thus one burden has been lifted from this mom's shoulders and conscience. Just like anything, "farsighted parenting" will take practice, and I'm sure the answers won't always be so clear, but at least I've been given some practical guidance for dispelling the murkiness. And believe it or not I no longer dread the upcoming school year and its accompanying homework...I'm armed and ready!

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 5 & 6

Sorry to miss last week's post, but I am managing to at least keep up with the reading, and I hope you are, too. In fact, I'm finding it difficult to hold myself to just one chapter a week - I'd like to gobble it all up and be on my enlightened way, but I chose this leisurely chapter-per-week pace recognizing that some moms are still in their "my kids take up all my time" phase (which Chapter 6 addresses, btw) and thus may be lucky just to find a few moments to read one chapter. I also think it's helpful to read a little bit and chew on it for a little while before moving on, and this schedule allows for that - for me, an exercise in self-restraint and resisting instant gratification.

I'm happy to report I'm kind of winging this post because my husband took my copy of the book. I'd been encouraging (ok, nagging) him to read this book with me, as the author suggests, and though he appeared willing, even eager, 4 chapters had gone by and he had not yet cracked it open. Then last Monday morning (at 6 am!) as he was preparing to leave for Philadelphia for the week, I saw that he had the book with his stuff. My first impulse was to grab it and say, "You can't take this. I need it. You can only read it when I'm not using it." or something equally juvenile. But I stopped myself, and thought, "Don't say a word. Let him have it. I can still read it on the weekends. I can probably think of something meaningful to post on the blog without holding the book in my hand." Though the last part may not prove to be true, by grace I kept my mouth shut! A week later he hasn't exactly caught up, but I read my chapter on the beach on Saturday and sent the book along with him again this week.

So anyway, Chapter 5 addresses the Biblical principle of "Marriage first, Children second," not just chronologically, but priority-wise, too. This was a great segue from the previous chapter which ended with a description of the skewed roles of modern-day fathers and mothers, and this entire chapter once again had me drawn in, nodding my head in agreement, recognizing my own situation, and pleading, "Yes, but what do I do now?" I've already taken a couple baby steps in response. First, as soon as I finished the chapter I suggested (insisted) that Dan and I go out to dinner that very night. Not a huge deal, but I figure that grabbing a little time here and there, whenever we can will be one way we can invest in our marriage and start to give our relationship the attention it deserves. Indeed just that short time together enabled him to share with me about his week at work (which in this case had involved quitting one job and starting up a new company - not your typical work week!). Second, I have vowed never to let my kids sleep in my room again. Period. 'Nuff said.

On to Chapter 6. Wow - another good one that made so much sense. The issue of shaping character by disciplining our children's thoughts brought two things to mind for me. First I was reminded of a book I read last year called The Danger of Raising Nice Kids by Tim Smith . This book did a great job of spelling out the problem, though I found its proposed solution to be somewhat overwhelming. (A glance at Smith's website, Parent's Coach, however, makes me want return for a more in-depth visit.)

Second, I was reminded of the scripture where Jesus berates the Pharisees for their legalism and hypocrisy with respect to ceremonial cleanliness. The Pharisees, looking to be intentionally critical, questioned Jesus as to why his disciples were eating without first washing their hands. Please understand they were not concerned about hygiene in this case, they were concerned about ritual and tradition to which they pridefully adhered. Jesus gave these haughty Jewish leaders what for and told the crowd,

"Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.' " Mark 7:15 (NIV)

Soon after, when his confused disciples asked him for clarification, Jesus explained,

"For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' " Mark 7:21-23 (NIV) (emphasis added)

With respect to our kids, and as Rosemond stresses in Chapter 6 and Smith puts forth in his above-mentioned book, teaching them right behavior is meaningless if we're not instilling right thinking in their hearts and minds. In fact, it ultimately results in producing shallow people-pleasers or manipulators or both. And as Proverbs 29:25 tells us, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare". I was encouraged by Rosemond's reminder that as parents our own behavior and appropriate, well-timed explanations of it does more to shape our children than our reactionary lectures do. This is something I need to keep in mind - my example, based upon my own relationship with the Lord, is much more powerful than intentional instruction which is rooted in apprehension or motivated by worry. As Dr. James Dobson is fond of saying, most of what children learn is caught, not taught.

I was intrigued by Rosemond's example of dealing with contrariness and his methods for correcting what we've been led by PPP to believe is delightful individuality and desirable free-thinking, but what he argues is undesirable and dangerous self-centeredness. I can think of a couple times when my kids were little that Mr. Rosemond would have advised disciplinary measures where I in fact responded with delight and encouragement. While I realize my children were not damaged beyond repair in these instances, I do wonder how things might have been different had I assumed a more adult role, rather than acting as an accessory and reinforcing their immaturity and "I can think whatever I want" mindset.

I laughingly told my 12 year old daughter that I owe her a spanking for that time when she was about 3 when I asked her what she wanted for lunch. Her exasperating response, which I have delightfully recounted on many an occasion throughout the years, was as follows: "Peanut butter and jelly. When I say I want peanut butter and jelly, I really mean grilled cheese." If only I knew then what I know now...

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 4

Alright, ladies - it's time for our first GottaWearShades giveaway! Up for grabs is a surprise package of three books, and it will go to the first person who can explain what this woman is saying. In fact, you may qualify for some sort of award just for being able to sit through the whole thing.



Now, don't get me wrong - I'm all in favor of non-violent parental communication. Isn't the alternative called "child abuse"?

So much for Exhibit A, an excellent illustration of the parent-babble which John Rosemond so completely dissects in Chapter 4.

This chapter really struck a chord with me when the author spoke of parental confusion and the ensuing stress and anxiety. When I read Rosemond's litany of issues that confuse and stress modern day parents, I felt he was speaking directly to me. I can vividly remember when my oldest child was just an infant and I would hungrily consume any and every parenting book I could get my hands on, anxious for advice on how to survive the roller coaster ride I felt I was on at the mercy of this tiny human. (I have to wonder how high my own personal tower of parent-babble would reach.) Anyway, every so often I would find myself so utterly confused by the conflicting views and the impossible standards and the ridiculous assumptions that I would have to stop reading and listening and just do what I thought I should do. I have found my self repeating this pattern periodically throughout the years. If I had spent more time just doing and less time soaking in so-called advice, I probably would have been a lot better off.

I was also interested (in a horrified kind of way) by Rosemond's explanation of the shift that's taken place in the role of the father in child-rearing. After he profiles today's “Micromanaging Mom” (guilty!) he goes on to describe “The Incredible Shrinking Father”:

The typical modern father is on the periphery of child rearing. He has little if any decision-making power and even less disciplinary authority. As his wife orbits around the child or children, busily attending to ever-smaller bits of minutiae, the father stands outside the periphery of her orbit, awaiting instruction. He is, in effect, his wife's “parenting aide,” whose function is akin to that of a teacher's aide in a classroom. The teacher's aide doesn't really know the curriculum, and neither does Dad, and Dad, like the teacher's aide, is there to simply assist the “real” parent and fill in for her when she needs a break. Even then however, he can't be trusted to know what to do. He must be given a list of instructions. (pg. 109)

Ouch! This comes perilously close to describing my household. Now, Dan has always been an involved, hands-on father, but because I'm the one who reads the books and understands the psychology I tend to over analyze everything he does or doesn't do and criticize everything he says or doesn't say, treating him as if he's doing it all wrong because he hasn't read the latest book, when in fact, he's probably guided quite capably by instincts implanted by his own upbringing. I thought this "mom's in charge" pattern arose solely as the result of my being raised during the height of the feminist movement, but now I see that modern-day parenting "experts" have slowly but surely crafted this scenario over the past few decades. And I observe this beyond my own walls as well. It is abundantly clear to me just how detrimental this dynamic can be to the marital relationship, let alone to the next generation of kids who observes the frustrated mother emasculating the dad because he's clueless, as far as she's concerned, about “proper” parenting techniques, and the father, usurped of any authority, becoming one of the kids. Not healthy, not healthy at all!

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm greatly relieved that this wraps up Part 1. I've had about all I can take concerning all that I've done wrong so far, and I'm ready to move on to "Recovery." Looking forward to Chapter 5 this week - I'll check in next Monday.

Hang in there!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book Club - Chapter 3

If I had posted this last night when I intended to, I would not have been able to offer this timely case-in-point from this morning's Press Journal. The headline that caught my eye in the Indian River County section was this:

Fun-seeking man lets dad's BMW roll into river

However, when I looked up the article online the headline had been changed to this:

Police: Man jumped from bridge after sinking dad's BMW in Indian River Lagoon

The latter definitely has a more tragic tone, don't you think? In my mind it evokes scenes of a distraught son who, having spent a lifetime trying to please an overbearing, materialistic father, finally snapped and decided to end his misery with a farewell act of vengeance and a dramatic plunge to the ultimate release from his tortured life. Or perhaps the BMW-sinking was accidental, and the son, having never measured up to begin with and now faced with admitting this colossal mishap involving his father's prized possession, chose instead to end it all. Or maybe the father was in the car when the son drove it off the road, either accidentally or intentionally. Despairing that he had just drowned his own father, the son, consumed with mind-altering grief, dragged himself up the pedestrian walkway to the apex of the Barber Bridge and threw himself off in a desperate attempt to join his father in eternity.

Here's what really happened, according to Elliott Jones, reporter for the Press Journal:

VERO BEACH — A 25-year-old man rolled his father’s BMW into the Indian River Lagoon and then jumped 60 feet into the water from the Merrill Barber Bridge — all as a lark, police say.

Charges haven’t been filed in the 2:30 a.m. Monday incident. But George Peniston of the 100 block of Terrapin Point could face legal consequences, said police spokesman Officer John Morrison.

Jumping off a bridge could be considered disorderly conduct punishable by six months in jail.

And submerging the car at the city’s MacWilliam Park boat ramp could violate state anti-pollution laws, the spokesman said.

When interviewed by police, the youth did not appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Also, Peniston did not want to hurt himself, according to police reports.

He just said, “He placed the vehicle (a 2006 silver BMW) in drive and intentionally let it roll into the Indian River” near a boat ramp at the park, reports show.

Then, “He thought it would be fun to jump off the bridge and was only doing it for his own entertainment.”

After jumping from the bridge, fishermen on a pier under the east end of the bridge saw someone swimming and yelling for help.

One of the fisherman, George Lewis, jumped in to aid Peniston as people called authorities. County Emergency Medical Services personnel pulled the two from the waters and took Peniston to Indian River Medical Center.

While at the medical center, Peniston’s parents, Eric and Deborah, said their son told them he let the BMW roll into the river.

Later officers tried to press the youth for further details. He asked for an attorney and stopped talking.

On Monday morning the car was pulled from the water.

If there is any remotely redeeming aspect to this nonsense, I would say it's the fact that apparently (though perhaps unbelievably) there was no alcohol involved.

Now, I guess the perpetrator was described as a "man" strictly because of his age. Doesn't sound like a man to me. In fact, I noticed that the url of the article contains these key words: "...police-teen-jumped-from-bridge-after-sinking-bmw/" leading me to think that the police and/or reporter initially assumed they were dealing with a wayward teenager, only to discover later that the joker is 25. In fact, several times in this deep and engaging news item, the prankster is described as a "youth" - I guess Elliott Jones forgot to go back and replace these references with "adult male who should have known better and is now a tremendous embarrassment to his parents." I can't help but wonder what George Lewis thinks – the real man who jumped in to save this supposed victim. Do you think that the “fun-seeker” will pay the tens of thousands of dollars in property damage? And did this whole thing turn out to be as “fun” as he had hoped?

His ridiculous prank brings to mind Rosemond's comment back in Chapter 2: “Today's parents are not curing toddlerhood,” and this 25 year old child is apparently lacking in Grandma's 3 R's: Respect, Responsibility, and Resourcefulness.

But alas, there but for the grace of God go I. And God has graciously put John Rosemond's latest book in my hands and thus encouraged me in my daily battle to ward off the multitude of destructive cultural influences attacking my children.

The thing that really stuck with me this week after reading Chapter 3 is the concept of kids making a meaningful contribution to the family and how beneficial that is for everyone in and outside of the home. To quote the author, "Occupying a bedroom, watching television, playing video games, and consuming family resources are not acts of contribution..." Because of our lax summer schedule, this is the perfect time of year for me to teach my kids more household responsibility and raise the bar on my expectations. For the most part they've been fairly receptive this week - I must be careful not to expect too much too soon, not to react to typical but for the most part empty protests, and not too be pushy or mean about it - just calmly and confidently state my requirements and help them learn new tasks. Step by step they'll gain a true understanding of family, teamwork, respect and self-confidence.

Two questions before we move on to Chapter 4:
1) I can't quite get my mind to grasp the difference between self-esteem and self-respect. Is this just symantics, or can you explain the subtleties to me?
2) I noticed the author didn't really tie in the chapter's title to the content. Why do you think Chapter 3 is called "The Serpent's Currency"?

Be sure to ponder (and comment on if you like) the questions on pages 92 & 93, and then move on to Chapter 4. I love the title - "The Tower of Parent-Babble"! I'll see you back here next Monday (or Tuesday!).

Blessings and peace,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book club - Chapter 2

I think if I were reading this book earlier in my Christian walk I might be tempted to toss it. Chapter Two comprises the systematic dismantling of the pervading theories underlying much of this society's modern parenting practices. It flies in the face of everything we've come to accept as expert and assume is proven. The author completely and harshly tears down the three major philosophies which form the basis for today's psychological advice and counsel.

So why do I believe that John Rosemond has it right and the mainstream psychologists have it wrong?

First of all, as the author states on page 32, these "bogus" philosophies "have become so embedded in collective thought that most people take them for granted..." I personally have bought into these theories without ever really knowing much about them. Sure I took Psych 101 in college, but that was long ago! Rosemond logically and convincingly explains to me in these pages the flaws in these schools of thought, as well as pointing out that real life renders them invalid.

Second, some time in the past decade or so I came to the realization that the Bible is true and reliable and that it is indeed the living and active inspired Word of God. After years of reading it and studying it as a self-described skeptic, I remember finally coming to the point where I acknowledged that the Bible is truth, whether or not I believe it. So I decided to believe it. And boy, has my life been simpler since then!

So when faced with the chart on page 65, detailing contrasting points of view, I have no problem believing that "Grandma's" column is accurate, and the left hand column is a bunch of malarkey.

Reading this book has caused me to wonder why exactly I've been sucked in so completely by "Postmodern Psychological Parenting," as Rosemond calls it. My parents were certainly raised the old-fashioned way, and I guess for the most part I was too, as I was born in the early 60's and was coming of age slightly ahead of these theories. I do wonder if their emergence and growing popularity influenced my mother at all. Was she confident? Confused? Skeptical of the so-called experts? Doubtful of her own abilities and intuition? Oh, how I wish she were alive to answer these questions. With my mother, my mother-in-law-to-be, and my grandmothers all gone before I was married, let alone before I became a mother myself, my primary source of parenting guidance was initially the culture until little by little I came to rely increasingly heavily on scripture and prayer. Whereas PMP has infused my life with guilt and stress, when I turn to God and His Word, I find confidence and peace and joy.

As with all areas of my life, but especially in the realm of motherhood, upon discovering God's Truth it's difficult not to be overcome with regret for all the mistakes I have made in my blindness. But God loves my children and can work mightily in their lives in spite of their mother's shortcomings. I've always been pretty much a black and white, rule following perfectionist, but I'm learning that raising my children isn't so much about getting the right answers as it is about being in relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and relying on Him every step of the way.

I look forward to dispensing with Part I and moving on to Part II where I trust we'll get into answering the question, "What do I do now?" But for now I'll stick to the schedule, reading Chapter 3 this week and reporting back next Monday. Don't forget to post your comments and questions!

Blessings to you,
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

"Parenting" Book Club - Intro & Chapter 1

OK, so, I've already figured out that I need to start thinking about what I'm going to post prior to Monday night if we're going to keep on track here! I do recall stating somewhere that this book club is an experiment, so I hope you'll forgive any fits and starts and (I hope) growing pains. One thing I know is that this won't be a failed experiment because God will use this book and this blog in some way shape or form to further his kingdom.

The very first thing that struck me, right on page one no less, was this: "The matter of how a child should be raised is not about the parent; it's about the child." Now this may be obvious to you, but it is something that I not only need to be reminded of, but that also kind of confuses me at times, and I could use some elaboration and clarification. It also brings to mind this song by Jennifer Shaw entitled "The Blessing" which, when I first heard it three years ago, was a true revelation for me about my role as a mother:

In the days before I even dreamed of a child
And in the nights before I knew your name
The Lord knew you; He meant you for me all the while
And now my life will never be the same

In His word He said He knit you together
He planned your smile and every hair on your head
His love for you is so infinite and tender
He gave His son to stand in your stead

You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you
So I will cherish my wonderful blessing,
For that's the work the Lord has given me to do.

And though it seemed impossible to bear the time
It stretched so long, seeming endless in its span
When they gave me you and I finally knew that you were mine
I saw it clear: the perfection of God's plan.

You are a blessing
It is an honor
That the Lord has given me to you.
So I will cherish, and remember
The Lord's love for me when I look at you.

From the album "Be Still"
Copyright© 2003 Jennifer C. Shaw. All Rights Reserved

Within the worldly constraints of chronological time, I came first and my children followed. I tend to think in terms of God giving them to me, in response to my request or desire. Now it's my daunting responsibility to figure out what to do with them. But this song kind of turns that idea around and looks at it from the other side when it says "the Lord has given me to you," reminding me that my children were planned by God from the beginning of time and were not really my idea at all. What's more, God thinks so highly of me that out of all the women who have or will populate this earth, he found me worthy of the honor of being the mother of Chris, Genny & Eddie, his children whom he loves more than I do, if you can believe that. When I look at things from this perspective, somehow my responsibility is much better defined, and I feel much more confident, as if a tremendous burden has been lifted. And it has. The burden of control. As with so many other things, when we shift the focus away from self our vision becomes much clearer.

And now along comes John Rosemond and tells me that, contrary to what I've been experiencing, raising my children is not supposed to be "the single most stressful thing a woman will do in her lifetime." (pg. 3) Apparently in days of yore raising children did not necessarily "consume, exasperate, and exhaust" the mother. (pg. 14) Then what am I doing wrong, I ask? Because I for one tend to be consumed, exasperated, and oh yes, exhausted! (Now that my kids are a little older, mental exhaustion has replaced physical exhaustion.) Furthermore, I guess I believed my level of anguish to be a reliable indicator of my devotion, and my hard work and worry to be basic requirements for me to prevail over the insidious cultural influences attacking my children. From what we've read so far, it looks as if I've had it all wrong. Looks like I'm a product of my Postmodern generation. (That takes care of question 2 on page 30 for me!)

I am eager to read on to understand just how to "align [myself] with God's blueprint for child rearing," and I am tremendously encouraged by Rosemond's promise on page 29: "Unlike the attempt to conform one's parenting to the many intricate and confusing dos and don'ts of Postmodern Psychological Parenting, this alignment will not strain the brain or cause doubt, anxiety, and guilt." Bring it on!

I'd be interested to know where you get your parenting advice from. Do you rely on parents or other relatives, either by current contact or recollection? Do you seek advice more from books and professionals, from peers, from your church, from Dear Abby, from the media, from those who have gone before? How does your proximity to or distance from your parents or siblings affect your child-raising? Do you wish you were closer to or farther away from the influence of family?

Post your comments or questions or thoughts, and read Chapter 2 for next Monday (6/15).

Have a great week!
Eleanor
Romans 12:2

Get Ready, Get Set, Go! Book Club starts today!

OK, girls, let's waste no time getting started on our summer reading. I hope you've already gotten a copy of "Parenting by The Book," but if you haven't, it's not too late. Find yourself a copy and join us ASAP.

We'll start at the beginning, of course, and the assignment for this first week is to read the intro and Chapter 1 (not Part One, Chapter One). Next Monday I'll come up with something to post about - some observations or questions - and our discussion will be underway.

Today I thought I'd introduce my three reasons for needing this book:
Chris is my firstborn, currently 14 years old, and finishing up his middle school career. Wait! How did that happen? When did that happen? He'll be starting 9th grade in August. Egad! Just yesterday he was putting VHS tapes in the VCR upside down. Now he's ready to embark on his high school adventure and is psyched to have earned a spot on the drum line in marching band. Thankfully, he's not allowed to bring his bass drum home - on the other hand, it might be a new way of getting people to the dinner table.

Genny (short for Genevieve) is my diamond in the rough - she being the jewel, and her brothers being the rough! :-) She's right in the thick of middle school with 6th grade already under her belt, and speaking of belts, she's been changing her clothes an average of 7 times daily since she became able to stand on her own about 11 years ago. I think she may have a design future ahead of her as she loves to rearrange her bedroom furniture and make Christmas and shopping lists into Powerpoint presentations.

And then there's Eddie. He's not really as tiny as he appears here - I think the board is a 12-footer. Eddie is my happy-go-lucky, imaginative, enthusiastic third child who much prefers skimboarding (or just about anything, for that matter) to school. Nevertheless he has successfully completed third grade, and we're all relieved to be two short days away from summer vacation. Eddie's favorite thing about third grade was making a medieval castle - his ended up being a torture chamber with a bed of mails made out of toothpicks, and styrofoam boulders crushing an unsuspecting Playmobil guy.

So there you have it - these are the children God has assigned to me and Dan, charging us with raising them to adulthood. It is a daunting responsibility, but oh, the joys!

One of the reasons this book appeals to me is that throughout my parenting adventure, I periodically overdose on so-called expert advice to the point that my head practically bursts from confusion and conflict. The back cover of "Parenting by The Book" states that the author "brings parents back to the uncomplicated basics" (I want me some of that!) and that he will "help [me] be the parent [I] want to be, with children who will be 'a delight to [my] soul.'" (I really want me some of that!)

So let's get started. You have your reading assignment, but before you go I'd like for all of us to know who's on this journey. Please post a comment with your name, where you're from (I hope somebody is from somewhere other than Vero!) the first names of your children and their ages, and perhaps a little snippet of what you hope to get from this book and/or book club. If you're new to blogging, below this post you'll see a link "Post a comment" - click on it and enter your info/comments in the box on the top right. Below that you should see a box to check if you want to receive follow-up comments via email. Please check that - it's an extremely convenient way to see others' comments or questions, so we're better able to share and benefit from others' experiences. I guarantee you're inbox will not be overrun! I only pray that someday I'll have to take back those very words! Anyway, the click "Publish your comment" and Voila! you'll be blogging!

Online Parenting Bookclub starts June 1

Grab a copy of John Rosemond's Parenting by The Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child, and join me for some summer reading.

We'll kick off on June 1 and read one chapter each week through August 17. Every Monday I'll post an update on this blog and encourage you all to comment, sharing your thoughts, questions, experiences, etc. The chapters vary in length, but I'm sure we'll still have time for some page-turning beach reading.

Not that this book won't be a page-turner. It's been called "a masterpiece" and one of "the best common-sense guides[s] to parenting."

The book is available from amazon.com and Christianbook.com for about $15 (amazon's price is slightly higher, but if you join our Proverbs study and buy that book, too, you can get free shipping! more info on that soon!) I also have several copies available, and if the price is too steep for you, we can work out a deal. I'm much more eager to have interested, engaged moms participating than in recouping every penny.

So here's what to do: if you're in, sign up by clicking "post a comment" below, and submit your name, # of kids & their ages, and your city & state. Also, let me know if you come across the book anywhere locally or if you happen to find a better deal. You do not need a Google/Blogger ID to post comments, but having one can enhance your blogging experience - lol. For example, with an ID you can request to have others' comments sent to you by email, so you can monitor the discussion without constantly checking the blog (this is great with a small group such as this - I learned quickly not to request this on Beth Moore's blog - she gets thousands of comments per posting!) If all this is Greek to you, don't worry - I'll make you an expert in no time! I do recommend subscribing to this blog via email (look for the link in the margin at left) so you'll get the weekly update in your inbox rather than having to remember to check the site. The email message you'll get provides a link to the posting so you can click through to add your comments.

Once you've signed up and gotten your copy of the book, just hang out and wait for the launch on June 1. In the meantime if you have any questions about anything - the book, how to post comments, how to access the blog, etc. - do not hesitate to ask.